Can Your Relationship Recover From Cheating?

Getting back together after one or both partners have cheated can be even more complicated than the process of reversing the break up. Whether you cheated on her or she was unfaithful to you, trust will be a huge issue on both sides. Getting past infidelity and moving forward with a new relationship can be extremely difficult, unless you and your partner both know how to wipe the slate clean.

Get Back After Cheating

When getting back together, the two of you need to think of your relationship as a new story being written on a blank page. It shouldn't include fights or issues from the past, especially those dealing with unfaithfulness. People generally tend to forgive, but no one likes to forget. Because of this, grudges can be formed that will damage the fabric of your new romance on the lowest of levels. When this happens, your relationship is being built on the shaky, cracked foundation of the past. Another breakup is inevitable.

Learning To Wipe The Slate Clean - For Both Of You

When getting back together with your ex girlfriend, the two of you will be initially excited at the prospect of giving things a second shot. This is the best time to hash out old differences and move foward with a clean slate. In order to do this, you first need to air your current grievances. These can include anything going on right now, but will mostly focus on the elements of your old relationship that caused you to break up.

Up until now you've concentrated on getting back your ex girlfriend. You've intentionally avoided sore subjects or the topic of your breakup while you worked on keeping things light and casual. But now that she's in your arms again, and the two of you are going to give things another shot, it's time to get over your past so that you can look forward to your future.

Listen To Your Ex - And Make Sure You Get Heard Too

When you're both in a decent enough mood, it's time to sit down and talk about what happened between you. This shouldn't be a bitch session, where you bring up everything you can't stand about your girlfriend and try to get her to change it. It should be a constructive talk where you both try to move things forward, not back. Pick any major issues you might have with your girl, and bring them up gingerly - without placing blame. See how she reacts to them, and try to look at things from her point of view. Don't go picking at old wounds, or dragging up smaller and more insignificant issues. Keep it short, calm, and non-confrontational.

Once you're finished, invite her to do the same thing. Don't interrupt your girlfriend, just listen to her. Again, try to see things from her angle. If there's a behavioral change you think you should make, accept her opinion and promise to work on it. The two of you can accomplish a lot in a very short amount of time, if you both keep a level head and try not to throw blame around.

Getting Past The Cheating - Starting All Over Together

Where cheating is concerned, things tend to get a lot stickier. Trust has been broken, and betrayal takes a long time to forget. If your girlfriend cheated on you, you might think you'll never trust her again. Maybe you believe you can stay on top of her - always know where she is, who she's with, and what she's doing. By keeping tabs on this girl you can ensure that she'll never cheat on you again, and that your relationship will always be bright and sunny. Right?

Apologize for Cheating

Of course not.

Getting over a partner who cheated on you isn't easy, but you have to look at things from an entirely different perspective. First, you need to have accepted their apology. If your girlfriend was unfaithful and you took her back, hopefully she apologized in a genuine, heartfelt way that was believeable. And if it was you who cheated on her, you did likewise. This is the beginning when it comes to getting back together again. Apologizing for cheating is always the first step.

The next thing that has to happen is assurance. The person who cheated, whether it be you or your girlfriend, must make the assurance that the cheating is not only over, but will never happen again. These might seem like hollow words right now, especially since trust hasn't been built back up yet. But they must be said, in order to move forward.

Forgiveness For Being Unfaithful - A Must Have Situation

Once past this aspect of your reconcilation, the burden actually falls upon the person who got cheated on. That person must actually forgive his or her partner, if there's to be any chance of a future for the relationship. Without forgiveness there will always be bitterness and anger. These emotions might not manifest themselves immediately after you get back together, because they'll be kept down in light of reconnecting with your ex. But once you're comfortable again as a couple, jealousy and resentment over past unfaithfulness will rear its ugly head again. And when it does, it'll tear the relationship apart from the inside out.

Building A New Future By Tearing Down The Past

Just as you can't build a new building on the crumbling ruins of an old one, you can't build a new relationship on the broken remnants of your past romance. You need to sweep everything aside and break fresh ground, so you can start any new partnership on a good, solid foundation. This means that any and all past transgressions must be forgiven on both sides, including the big one: cheating.

Look at it this way: if your girlfriend is always going to hold the fact that you cheated over your head, she's going to bring it out every time she gets in a fight with you. Any time she's mad... whenever she's losing an argument or needs the upper hand... she'll bring up the fact that you were unfaithful, and rub your nose in it. She does this because she knows you can't fight it - it's the one thing between you that you're completely and unequivocally wrong about. And so she'll do it again, and again, and again... until you resent her so much for it that you blow up at her, or eventually break up with her again.

The flip side of things is also true. If you took your girlfriend back after she cheated on you, then you've made a commitment to give things a second chance. You've accepted what she did, and you want her anyway. Leave it at that, and let sleeping dogs lie. Forget everything that happened before you got back together, including the fact that she was unfaithful.

Once a Cheater Always a Cheater, Right? So Why Forgive?

Because by taking your ex back - or her taking you - you're both making the commitment to try things again. The decision has been made - you're already back together. Why sabotage your second chance at a meaningful relationship by casting the stones of the past?

If you're sticking to your ex's side, and she's sticking to yours, forgetting about the cheating is always the best course of action. Think of it this way: love is always a roll of the dice. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. No matter who you're with or how much you love each other, there's always the possibility that love can fail. So why help it along by shooting your new relationship in the foot before it can even take a single step? Resenting your girlfriend for cheating is never healthy. If you're truly that mad at her, you shouldn't have gotten back together in the first place.

Resources To Help Recover From Cheating In a Relationship

The two guidebooks seen below both specialize in helping couples work through infidelity and unfaithfulness. There are chapters devoted to rebuilding your relationship after cheating has been involved. Take a quick look at them, and learn what you can. The more knowledge you have regarding getting past this difficult time in your relationship, the better your chances of staying together.

Cucan Pemo - Bring Back Your Lost Love

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The Magic of Making Up

The Magic of Making Up    by T.W. Jackson
Still the #1 breakup resource on the internet! T.W.'s gentle guide to getting back together with an ex includes advice on what to do when infidelity becomes a factor in your relationship.

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